oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
