her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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