Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
