How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dignity is for republicans.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
