You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
