Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
