If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
