This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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