It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
