in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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