just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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