I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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