Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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