All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
too bad you live with your parents still
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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