Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
