Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
