the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
