If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
