wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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