Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
