I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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