she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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