I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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