i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
