I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
