No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
