Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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