I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
