I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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