there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
