The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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