i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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