I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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