dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
