That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
