i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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