planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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