The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
