I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
