There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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