I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
