Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
