he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
