not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
