I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
