I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
