can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
