hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
