I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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