Betty ford says i'm here all night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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